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Girlfriend, Wife - Birthday, Anniversary, Valentine Gift Guide

[In Progress - Last updated, Thur Feb 14th, 2008] I checked around with a lot of people, did some research on Gifts (no … seriously) and asked around at Yahoo answers and this is what I came up with. 

What makes a Great Gift for a Girlfriend?

1. A gift from YOU that shows your love for her, your uniqueness and your generosity.
2. A gift that she will LOVE, given her unique interests, passions and inclinations.
3. The Thought behind the Gift - it should be a well thought gift. Just clear your head for a minute and think of her and from her perspective what would make a great gift + would also show your thoughtfulness. When girls say - it’s the thought that counts they usually mean “He has taken the time to think of what I would like and put thought into it and I LOVE that fact”.
4. Pure Intention - This is easy to understand and a little tougher to implement. Buy something from the perspective of ‘her loving it’ and not ‘i would love for her to have this’.
5. In close conjunction with 3. is to be completely non-judgemental i.e. avoid any gift that shows any sort of judgement or desire to change/improve her - so no perfume, no clothes unless you’re 100% sure they fit perfectly and look really good i.e. her mother or best friend picked them out for you or you’re a metrosexual.
6. Surprise her - it’s really important to have some amount of mystery/suspense/surprise/out-of-the-ordinariness. You should be consistently inconsistent in the types of gifts you give her i.e. appeal to different sides of her, sometimes be generous, sometimes give a very inexpensive yet thoughtful gift, and so forth.
7. A gift that is an experience and creates memories or one that brings up old, good memories.

The 7 key elements are - a gift from you, a gift she will love, the thought behind the gift, pure intention, completely non-judgemental, a surprise, and creates or brings up good memories.

There are two very important things to keep in mind -

1. Don’t buy her a Gift to buy her Love. 
2. Give a gift appropriate to where the relationship is i.e.
   1. Don’t give her a ’girlfriend’ gift if she’s just a friend or you just started dating.  
   2. If you’ve been together a few weeks, unless she feels as strongly, don’t buy her a lavish gift.  
   3. Don’t give her a gift that will get her into trouble with her parents or at work.

 I will add that you should give her whatever the hell you want to - just be sure it’s for the right reason and that it’s not totally inappropriate.

There are certain Bonus Factors that you can add in to make the gift extra special -

1. A gift that indulges her. Something she wouldn’t normally buy for herself.  
2. A gift that takes her away from her daily grind (or the job she loves even though it is getting kinda repetitive) - A weekend trip, a simple spa trip, a night out at a fancy restaurant, and so forth. 
3. A gift for no reason at all/ outside of any special occasion. It’s important to not overdo this.

Top ’Things She will Cherish’ Gift Ideas 

The focus here should be on something that she will treasure. Yes, some of these are expensive - however, it’s the thought that makes them really count. So don’t forget to put thought into it and make it a unique gift from you to her. And please remember that if you don’t have cash to spare - don’t buy any of these. Be generous to a reasonable extent.

1. Watches - A watch is something she can wear everyday. Christopher Ward has some beautiful watches for women.
2. Jewellery - Astley Clarke have loving attention to detail and everything right down to the gift wrapping paper is immaculate - which i admire.  
3. Diamonds - We’re getting pretty expensive here and there’s a fascinating marketing story behind diamonds. However, like it or not, Diamonds are Forever - even little girls know that.  I’d recomend Blue Nile.
4. Cars are a popular gift from husbands to wives (and to be honest much less trouble than puppies). I know nothing about gifting cars so I’m not eligible to speak here.  
5. Clothes - Have her best friend or a female friend help you pick out something ’special’ for her. It has to be something that she can cherish and is a ’special going out cocktail dress’ or something similar.
6. Shoes - Same as above. It has to stand out, and you should be cognizant of what styles and brands she likes. Ask a female friend, ideally hers.
7. [More to be added soon i.e. in a few weeks]

Top Easy to setup Gift Ideas

1. Chocolates - I’d recommend Hotel Chocolat. Make it specific to the type of chocolate she likes and py attention to the packing and the attention to detail - that’s why I recommend Hotel Chocolat.  
2. Roses - 12 Roses stands for unconditional love and roses are the traditional flower for passion and love. I’d recommend Bunches in the UK.
3. Orchids - Orchids are actually a better gift since they’re unique (like her ;) ) and stay beautiful for weeks. Flowers Direct have some great Orchids.
4. A proper ‘going out’ dinner. Pick a type of food she loves or is intrgued by, and a restaurant that has a nice romantic setting (and no sports on tv or beer specials ;) ). You have to take her to a place where she gets a chance to dress up (cocktail dress, heels, et al).
5. A teddy bear or a stuffed toy. Either a small cute one or a big teddy bear she can hug.
6. Champagne that you can have together. Ideally with a meal that you cook for her (or secretly steal in ;)). Get some proper glassware for this. Candles, especially scented ones, add a great touch. 
7. Liquor Chocolates - a big hit since they’re something she probably hardly ever gets. If they’re from a far away country like Belgium or Switzerland - perfect. See the Hotel Chocolat advert below.
8. A coupon book full of passes to go see a chick flick, go iceskating, get a massage, candlelight dinner, etc. Adjust according to your her preferences.  
9. A couple of books of the type that she loves. You picking it out for her is the whole point - no gift certificates - EVER! If she likes to cook - buy her a cooking guide for some food that she loves. Something specific to her.
10. Make her a mix tape of great songs that she loves or songs that describe how you feel about her. Either is good. You can also buy a few CDs to go along with the ‘personalized for her’ mixtape.
11. Sexy lingerie. You better be very sure about sizing though. Victoria’s Secret in the US. La Senza in the UK - New Code for La Senza : 15% Discount when you spend over £50 plus FREE standard UK delivery and a FREE gift box - VC15 or Fifteen La Senza Details
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Top Thoughtful Gift Ideas

I’m quoting a few examples the girls from Yahoo Answer gave and then adding in a few things I’ve heard girls mention -

1. “He set up a scavenger hunt around the house with pictures from our previous dates.. at the end of the night we made a scrapbook together… along with the pictures were cute little things like a teddy bear. roses… coupon books… chocolate”  
2. “My favorite gift was when my boyfriend had a candlelit bubblebath waiting with my favorite cd playing, a glass of champagne next to the tub, sexy lingerie to slip into afterward and a candlelit dinner waiting for me after the bath. When dinner was over, our bed was sprinkled with rose petals, more candlelight, soft & sensual music in the background……fresh fruit and chocolate next to the bed with more champagne. He gave me a hot oil massage and plenty of LOVIN’…………IT WAS PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!”
3. Also from Yahoo answers (chosen as best answer - btw it’s all one answer) - Take her out to dinner and to a movie.
   Give her a picture of the two of you in a cute picture frame.
   Write her a card telling her how much you love her, put a lot of thought and time into it.
   Give her a dozen roses. Have a small note attached to each rose. On each note write a reason of why you love her. Something like ” I love you because….”
   Bake her her favorite dessert.
   Buy her a necklace and/or earrings. 
4. A trip/vacation - girls absolutely LOVE to travel. This is very specific i.e. does she like road trips? the beach? mountains? hiking and camping? shopping? Personalize a trip with things that she loves - so if i had to take a girl who loves shopping and food I’d probably pick NYC (a million places) or San Francisco and take her to Matt’s and Burma Superstar and Haight Ashbury.  
5. Make her something she can carry or keep with her. This is actually much simpler than you think - if you can write, write her a poem or a song. Build her a small memento or a scrapbook or something that she can keep.
6. A day at the Spa for her to just rest, relax and spruce up herself, and then a great dinner that you cook for her or at a fancy restaurant so she can get all dressed up.
7. A picnic and an outdoor concert or a short roadtrip or drive and a theater show. Something that shows you thought about it a little and that you chose something she would love. Things like ‘her favourite genre of music’, ‘her favourite band’, etc. make it even better. Sometimes stringing together 3-4 things she really likes works really well i.e. favorite restaurant, favourite icecream, a walk along the beach, star gazing (at the beach, at the planetarium), and so forth.
8. Write her a love letter (guess when’s the last time she ever got something like that??). Write it yourself on some love letter appropriate paper and add in some chocolates or roses. If you’re crazy enough to pin prick your way into signing it in blood - actually i really don’t know about that - i’d do it. i’m reluctant to recommend it.  
   

Sex tips for Geeks

Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It...